


Love and the speed of light are two constants of the universe

by Alaiis



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Character Study, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, If I cannot project on my favorite characters what is the point, Jedi Code, M/M, Not Beta'd We Die Like Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Control Freak, On Attachment, and has anxiety, i think, jedi-friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:34:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28593327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alaiis/pseuds/Alaiis
Summary: Obi-Wan is in love with Anakin, and when it dawns on him, it does like an evidence. It is profound, and logical, and yet it still surprises him.Now, for both their sake, he must tell Anakin.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, Past Anakin Skywalker/Padmé Amidala
Comments: 19
Kudos: 136





	Love and the speed of light are two constants of the universe

**Author's Note:**

> Hi ! So, this whole idea came up while I was asleep and it woke me up, two hours before my alarm. I then proceeded to feverishly think about what I was going to write but not writing it because I was still too tired for the next hour and a half. Hope it was all worth it.
> 
> Also, English is not my first language so please be nice :)

Obi-Wan had a problem.

To be honest, it was no wonder. He had taken on the boy while barely a man himself, both their worlds turned upside down. He had watched him learn and become a fine Jedi, watched him grow and flourish – not without sulking, not without _disobedience_ – to become a man he could be proud of. Not only that, but in this hellish war he had become everything. The man whom alongside he fought, and he bled, and he grieved. His brother-in-arms and his brother simply.

So really, it was no wonder that, returning to Coruscant from an umpteenth campaign, watching Anakin stumble on bridge from exhaustion and yet, still taking the time to comfort his troops, to care for Ahsoka and tease his Master with his infuriating, cocky smile, Obi-Wan found himself in love. It dawned on him like a fact, like he had known it for a very long time and was only rediscovering it, but he didn’t, he _didn’t_ know it. And he was forced to accept it, like a constant in the universe, that there was no way around it. The speed of light was 3.00×108 m.s-1, so much a constant that time and space bent to accommodate it, and Obi-Wan Kenobi was in love with Anakin Skywalker.

Which wasn’t the problem in and of itself. Despite how, in hindsight, he thought he should have expected it, he was _still_ surprised. Satine had only died a few months ago, the mere _thought_ of her brought an ache so strong to his heart he thought he might suffocate from it. He was not done grieving her, and in the middle of so much pain, he didn’t believe romantic love capable to bloom once again from such a poor soil.

And yet it had, and Obi-Wan had never seen the truth of Qui-Gon’s statement more than this day. Love is not stored in a finite compartment, so that you have to love someone less in order to love another. Love is infinite, and Obi-Wan’s love for Satine, turned into pain but still oh so much love, would probably always exist and was not hindered nor sullied by his newfound romantic love for Anakin. Just as his love for Satine wasn’t an obstacle to the existence of his love for Anakin. They both existed, somehow in the same category and yet so different, entirely independent one from the other. And infinite.

The problem wasn’t even that he _was_ in love. It wasn’t against the Code. Force, it wasn’t even the Code to be _in_ a romantic relationship, as long as you were not attached. Despite how much Obi-Wan cherished Anakin’s life, his smiles and his happiness – and that hadn’t changed and never would change, whatever the name his love for Anakin would carry – he knew that his duty, towards the Jedi and towards the Republic, would always come first. If it came to that, and however painful it would be – and it would be, not being attached didn’t mean you didn’t _feel_ , with all your being, for someone – he was prepared to let Anakin go. The only power he had was over himself, and he could do so little about the world. It was a strong possibility, always at the forefront of his mind, that in this awful war he hated so much, that drained the life out of people’s eyes, so much that they ended up long dead before their body, that someday, he would have to choose between Anakin’s safety – Anakin’s life – and the sake of their mission. And he knew that however broken-hearted that would make him, however sick with worry, he would always choose the latter. Although he probably couldn’t say the same of Anakin, always so _attached_ to the people he loved, for he loved possessively and couldn’t fathom the idea of simply _letting go_. Which was a problem, in and of itself, for Obi-Wan was very aware that his former Padawan was attached to him, Ahsoka and his Senator and that someday, this attachment was going to get between himself and his duty. If not worse. Please, Force, let it not be worse.

But it wasn’t Obi-Wan’s problem either, not at the moment anyway. No, the problem, simply, was that he didn’t know what to do with this new facet of love. Silencing it, watching from far away Anakin’s intoxicating self, yearning in the distance, but always, always in control of his feelings ? That did seem like himself, keeping his feelings quiet in fear that they would burst out in the world and waste what he already had, once he left them in the open and other people also had control over them, by reacting to them, rejecting them or embracing them. Once he expressed them they were not only his own anymore, and it made him shiver at the possibilities, ones he _could not influence_.

But Obi-Wan knew keeping his newfound knowledge for himself would hurt, and he didn’t mind that, but he would need to take some distance, and Anakin wouldn’t understand, Anakin would question, Anakin would be met with a wall and _Anakin_ would be hurt. Which that, he wanted to avoid at all cost. Anakin was not responsible for the mess that was his Master. He shouldn’t suffer from it.

Besides, speaking of mess, their relationship was already enough of one. Yes, they were the Team, fighting as one on the battlefield and knowing each other better than anyone. But they were just as likely to bicker, end up fighting nastily over something utterly trivial and avoiding each other for days.

Also, _Obi-Wan_ was the reasonable one. Anakin never spoke. When he was hurt, or he had a problem, you always had to open his shell forcefully, and once you had succeeded, entirely exhausted from the effort, to fight for it not to clam back up on you. Obi-Wan was a grown adult and for both their sake, he needed… Well, he needed to tell him.

The thought made Obi-Wan’s stomach twist in anxiety. Reveal himself, for everyone to see… No, not everyone. Anakin. Anakin, who wouldn’t ever try to hurt him, and especially not when his Master made himself vulnerable. Except when he was hurt, or angry, or felt cornered. Of course. That was Anakin. But he had no reason to be so. Right ? Right. And if Obi-Wan had no control over how Anakin would react to his declaration, and the thought made his gut twist and created a lump in his throat, well. The only power Obi-Wan had was over himself.

So, ever so slowly, he released his breath, trying to release with it his anxiety and worry about the near future. Then, once he was done, he blinked his eyes open, adjusting to the Coruscanti mid-morning light. After contemplating pensively the passing vehicles of the traffic, barely registering what he saw, he stood up and neatly folded his meditation mat in its assigned corner.

_Emotion, yet peace._

Well, emotion was certainly there. For peace, he could come back. But it didn’t matter. Obi-Wan had always been fond of the “fake it until you make it” strategy.

The next step was _actually_ talking to Anakin. Ahsoka was in her morning classes, and as Obi-Wan was himself in his apartment, it was unlikely to find him in the training grounds considering his two favourite sparring partners weren’t. Which meant he was probably in his quarters, tinkering on his arm or doing Force knows what, or with the mechs inventing his latest droid, also known as Obi-Wan’s new personal plague. His quarters it was.

The trip to Anakin and Ahsoka’s apartment, only two floors below his own, felt like a dream and all too soon, Obi-Wan found himself knocking on his Padawan’s door, anxiously trying to unknot the lump in his throat.

 _I am in love with Anakin Skywalker and I am going to tell him._ Surreal. Entirely ridiculous.

Yet, when the door opened to Anakin’s cheery “Come in!” he moved forward, folding his hands in his sleeves in anticipation of when he would start _pinching_ them.

His Padawan and Grandpadawan’s quarters were a mess. Droid parts were all around the floor, so much that walking seemed a perilous affair. Ahsoka’s door to her room was open and through it he could see a sad bundle of clothes, dirty or clean he had no idea, and that her bed was unmade. Used mug that, perhaps in a past long forgotten, used to contain tea laid on the low table. In the kitchen, a pile of unwashed dishes was colonising the sink, that and probably new microscopic lifeforms.

Obi-Wan sighed in disapproval. _This. This is my lineage._ But to be honest, Qui-Gon had been the same, trinkets from their missions covering the furniture of their shared quarters, everywhere plants and other wildlife who disagreed with the then Padawan’s existence and attempted to assassinate him in his sleep. Technically, _Obi-Wan_ was the anomaly here. And you should see Yoda’s apartment. There was _moss_ growing.

Carefully making his way to the kitchen, Obi-Wan wondered wistfully what it would be like to have someone in his lineage to share his wish for order and cleanliness that wasn’t a Sith Lord – he couldn’t imagine Dooku living any differently than himself and it pained him that it had to be his fallen Grandmaster who shared his traits.

When water was almost boiling and Anakin was finished with the piece of… something he was currently working on, he raised his head, smiling pleasantly.

“Master ! Didn’t expect to see you that soon. Did you miss me already ?” he added cheekily.

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. Although he had to admit, they _had_ spent a month living on each other during the last campaign, and only come back the day before. One would have expected that they take a bit more time before invading each other’s space again.

Without answering, Obi-Wan prepared two mugs of tea, which he brought to the sofa, pushing the old mugs on the table to make place for the new ones. There, he sipped his tea silently, trying to reproduce his usual aura of serenity. The problem with holding tea was that your hands were on display instead of safely fidgeting in your sleeves.

After a moment, Anakin joined him. Once with his own cup of tea, he asked:

“So. Seriously. What are you here for ?”

“Can’t a man visit his old Padawan and marvel at his conditions of life ?” Obi-Wan answered, with an eyebrow arched and his eyes wandering once again on the wreck they called apartment.

“Oh. So it’s gonna be like that then. Please yourself.”

With that, Anakin set about gulping down his tea, before choking on it and almost spitting it because it was _hot_. Which wouldn’t have come as a surprise to anyone except, apparently, Anakin Skywalker.

“Stop– looking– at me like that !” he coughed.

“Like what ?” Obi-Wan asked innocently, his mocking smile slowly growing.

“You know how !”

Anakin set his tea forcefully on the table and proceeded to stay silent, alternating between glaring at his mug and at the wall.

Obi-Wan’s smile turned anxious. He had to say it. Like, right now. Now was the perfect time. Anakin was silent, not necessarily listening but also not focused on something that would take all his attention. He _just_ had to say it.

The older man looked into his mug, his hands contracting around it. With effort, he took a deep breath. Released it. Again. And, once he thought he was able to speak intelligibly, without croaking:

“It appears I am in love with you.”

Anakin was silent. Carefully looking at him, Obi-Wan saw that he was not moving, blinking much too often for human standards. Perhaps that had been a bit blunt. So much for The Negotiator.

_Not good._

Obi-Wan continued.

“I know this probably must come as a surprise, but be certain that I expect nothing from you. I just thought it better to just tell you instead of you perhaps wondering why I might feel a bit off. Besides, I can assure you I have no wish of intruding in your already existing relationship, I totally respect it, and I wish you and Senator Amidala –”

Perhaps his speech was a bit too unstructured. Perhaps he was speaking a bit too fast, and his tone was pitched a bit too high. But Anakin was unmoving and silent and he had to say what he had to say before he just clammed shut and did Force knows what. But mentioning his Senator seemed to be what unfroze him. Suddenly, Anakin had his entire body turned in Obi-Wan’s direction, and the older man gulped from his searching gaze.

“Wait. Obi-Wan. What does Padmé have to do with this ?”

Well. That was not the reaction he expected. He explained, more slowly, his eyes boring into Anakin’s.

“I know the Senator and you are… involved. I also know you didn’t intend to tell me but, honestly Anakin, you’re very bad at lying. I did not want to intrude and I hope you’re not offended but –”

Now the brat was smiling.

“What ?”

Anakin’s smile grew, until he was laughing, which Obi-Wan didn’t like at all, because that wasn’t how things were planned. Although he had to admit an Anakin laughing at his expense was much better than an Anakin sulking. And he had a beautiful laugh.

Obi-Wan coughed, embarrassed.

Finally, Anakin answered breathlessly:

“I’m sorry Master but you’re a year late.”

Obi-Wan was confused, and Anakin was still smiling, and he very much wanted to slap that mocking smile out of his face, but it wasn’t very Jedi-like so he refrained.

“I don’t understand.”

There. That was direct, that did not show frustration. He was a grown adult who was perfectly in control of the situation – _Ah! What a pretty lie._ – and his answer was perfectly poised, like the Jedi he was supposed to be.

“Padmé and I… Well, we _have_ been together,” Anakin finally explained. “But it didn’t work out, which wasn’t very surprising.”

At that Anakin’s tone had turned sad, and Obi-Wan wondered if he was the only one to harbour feelings for another person who couldn’t return them. Even if the Senator was definitely not dead, thank the Force.

“ _Obviously_ it didn’t work out. She is a Senator and I am a Jedi and these are many reasons for why it couldn’t work out. Also, she didn’t want to get married, she said it was unreasonable, so there was no reason for her to stay with me when the problems came.”

And there his tone was angry, and he was not looking at Obi-Wan anymore, but almost suddenly his eyes refocused on him, and he approached his face, way, way too close.

“But that’s not the important part, Master. I’m more interested in what you said at the very beginning.”

Wait. He was definitely sure there were some important things to unpack there. Marriage ? Anakin wanted to get married ? _That_ was definitely against the Jedi Code. Marrying someone meant making the vow to place this person before anyone and anything else, and it was entirely antithetic with the duty of a Jedi.

Sadly, Anakin’s face was very close, and his eyes so intent that it burned, so Obi-Wan couldn’t _think_ properly. He just managed to squeak something, all semblance of Jedi self-control thrown through the window, and if that wasn’t embarrassing. Outside of the fact that, of course, that was not _how things were planned_.

“Obi-Wan.”

Anakin’s finger was tracing his cheek now, which definitely did _not_ help things. With effort, he focused his eyes on the young man, a bit cross-eyed from how close he was.

Once he had his attention, Anakin spoke again.

“You said you are in love with me. Is it true ?”

In that question there was so much longing, it was spoken like a prayer. Obi-Wan’s heart broke a bit, and not answering with the truth would have only been cruel.

“Yes, dear one. Of course.”

Then, Obi-Wan lowered his shields, which were tightly drawn since he left his quarters, and he let seep into the Force how he had come to the realisation, how the knowledge filled him to the brim and how it was accompanied by a sense of certainty that went beyond him.

In answer, Anakin simply brought their foreheads together, and he just breathed, for several moments. At some point, Obi-Wan’s anxiety, which had faded into the background, came back through the silence, only broken by their slow breathing.

“Anakin ? Are you alri –”

He couldn’t finish, because Anakin’s lips were on his. Anakin was _kissing_ him. It was soft and tentative, like he still wasn’t sure. But Obi-Wan’s gasp of surprise was all he needed to deepen the kiss. Then Obi-Wan learned that Anakin kissed like he did everything. It was deep and passionate and bruising, and it was so, so _him_.

Obi-Wan returned the kiss just as forcefully, wondering if it was possible he could drown from it. Hesitantly, he threaded a hand through Anakin’s hair, for nothing else but to bring himself balance and try to regain a sliver of control. That made Anakin moan and, Force, it was enough to make Obi-Wan pull back, just to see the look on his face.

They were both breathing hard, probably too ruffled to look presentable, and Anakin was gorgeous with a blush and swollen lips. The younger man smiled, almost manically, before plunging forward again.

And it occurred to Obi-Wan, while Anakin started kissing his neck with utter _glee_ , that his Padawan had always been wild – sometimes _too_ wild for his old Master, who found himself dragged off in his shenanigans and was the one who had to deal with broken pots afterwards – but now, now Anakin was entirely _unleashed_.

Oh.

Obi-Wan had a problem.

**Author's Note:**

> For those who are curious and want precision about the attachment thing (and because nothing can stop me from infodumping on my own fic), attachment in Star Wars doesn't use the Western definition. It is a definition from Buddhism and spread through several Asian cultures that speaks of unhealthy relationships, where you define a part of your life/identity by another person and are entirely unable to let them go, just as we see Anakin doing with his mother and Padmé in canon ;)  
> That's why nothing says Jedi must be celibate, or that they are not allowed to love. Casual sex is pretty ok, and although some people still think it is impossible to be in a romantic relationship without being attached (which I can understand), it's not my headcanon here. I believe that Jedi have enough self-control to make it possible, at least for some, and that they know themselves enough to know whether they are able to have a romantic relationship without attachment.
> 
> Anyway, hope you like it. Kudos and comments make my life :)


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